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sinkwriter
23 June 2008 @ 11:21 am
Irreverence can be funny, man.  
In honor of the funny man, whose contemplations sometimes made me laugh and ponder.


The Invisible Man

"Think about it.

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day.

And the Invisible Man has a special list... of Ten Things he does NOT want you to do, and if you do ANY of these 10 things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and forever till the END OF TIME......

But he loves you!"

~ George Carlin
 
 
Current Location: Grandma's house
Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Summer birds chirping outside the window
 
 
sinkwriter
12 May 2008 @ 09:44 am
Dear Universe, let's kiss and make up, okay?  
I really need one of those *headdesk* userpics right about now. Preferably one with David Duchovny or TJ Thyne in it. ;)

As if I haven't already got enough on my plate at this time -- what with the joblessness, the stress, and the upcoming transitional move out of my apartment to live with relatives (for now) and end up who knows where eventually -- I've presently got ridiculous, costly car repairs.

And what's worse...

Someone hit my car.

I wasn't even driving it. (I guess I should be thankful for that, at least.)

I had dropped it off at the car repair shop last night so that this morning they could check out a few things I thought might need some work. As it is, I knew that was going to add up (and it sure did, to the tune of at least $860, with an additional $430 if I have everything repaired right now).

But apparently when they took my car out on the road to test it, someone came out of nowhere or turned too fast, and hit my car. They say they called the police and filled out a report, and that the driver who did it assumed all responsibility and fault. They got his insurance information for me, too. But on top of the repairs I already needed, they'll have to replace my entire bumper (and I'll have to deal with the driver's insurance and hope they don't mess with me or hold up paying for that portion of the repairs).

I just... don't have the time or energy to deal with this right now. I will, of course, because I have to.

But even though I try to look to the positive (that I wasn't driving at the time, that I wasn't injured and neither was anyone else), it's still frustrating because -- like everything else going on with me right now -- it's such bad timing. I just wish my luck would turn around. That things would start to look up, at last.

Why the hell did I take this crappy fork in the road? I admit it, I'm terrible with directions.

Whatever I did to tick off the universe, I take it back, okay? I'm not above begging at this point. What else can I do or say? Just name it. I give up. I give in. I apologize profusely. Will you please forgive me so we can all move forward and start again? I really need a new and positive direction.

*heavy sigh*

Oh, the drama. *eyeroll* I can't stand the sound of myself anymore.

And... *forehead to desk*
 
 
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Nothing but silence
 
 
sinkwriter
19 April 2008 @ 05:12 pm
FUNdamental Reading  
"A home without books
is a body without soul."


~ Marcus Tullius Cicero


I was going to be all poetical-like and write an imaginative post about the rich, wonderful worlds of plot and character development, and what it all means to me, as a reader and a writer... but honestly, who's got the time when I have stacks of books to read?

Throughout the course of this year I've found myself struggling to find focus. Granted, it's difficult to maintain even a semblance of structure in life when one is without work. I know it sounds silly, but it can be scary, frustrating, and downright boring living without any sort of schedule.

It's a marvelous thing, to have purpose. It feels rewarding to be productive and driven, to find joy and energy in the completion of a task, whatever it is that captures your attention. Therefore, at a time when everything feels so aimless, I think I need to give myself more positive motivation.

Case in point: every time I gaze upon the piles of unread books cluttering my living room floor, I feel scattered and anxious, completely at a loss as to where to start. I clearly need some direction!

Inspired by [info]willowmina's "New Book Challenge 2008" in which she declared her desire to read one new book per week this year, I have decided to make a list of my own. I don't have the time to commit to one-per-week, especially given the chaotic craziness of my current life, but I figure this list will help me to pick a book, any book, and stick to it. Even better, it will give me a visual benchmark, as I check off a book from my list and gleefully move on to the next.

This list, containing all the books from those aforementioned dusty stacks, is full of variety: mystery, suspense, fantasy/sci-fi, philosophy, psychology, memoirs, and even reference books. Plenty for me to choose from. And seeing them all in an organized fashion such as this helps me to breathe easier. It doesn't have to overwhelm me anymore; I can see what I have and what awaits my attention. All I need to do is open a book.

Without further ado, in no particular order, these are some of the books I will be reading throughout the rest of this year.


Sherry's Reading List 2008


Title Author
Firefly ~ The Official Companion Volumes One & Two Joss Whedon
I’m Just Here for the Food Alton Brown
The Poet Michael Connelly
Eats Shoots & Leaves Lynne Truss
Art & Fear David Bayles & Ted Orland
Letters to a Young Poet Rainer Maria Rilke
God’s Debris Scott Adams
Under the Black Flag: The Romance and the Reality of Life Among the Pirates David Cordingly
The Secret Language of Eating Disorders Peggy Claude-Pierre
The Measure of a Man Sidney Poitier
The Elements of Style William Strunk & E.B. White
Writing for Your Life Deena Metzger
Dreams from My Father Barack Obama
The Audacity of Hope Barack Obama
The Dead Zone Stephen King
Tigana Guy Gavriel Ray
Loving What Is Byron Katie
Self Esteem Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning
Storm Front ~ Book One of The Dresden Files Jim Butcher
On a Pale Horse Piers Anthony
Bearing an Hourglass Piers Anthony
The Power of Myth Joseph Campbell
If You Want to Write Brenda Ueland
The Bourne Series (4 books) Robert Ludlum
The Human Stain Philip Roth
Wicked Gregory Maguire
The Philosophy of The X-Files Dean A. Kowalski, ed.
The Original Sherlock Holmes Arthur Conan Doyle
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose Eckhart Tolle
The Heroine’s Journey Maureen Murdock
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha Tara Brach
Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World Isa Chandra Moskowitz



P.S. Please feel free to make recommendations. What have you been reading? What books do you treasure? Though it may take me a bit of time to get to your suggestions (as you see how many books I already have ahead of me), I'd still love to know. As always, like Fox Mulder, I’m open to the possibilities!
 
 
Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Got To Be Real by Cheryl Lynn
 
 
sinkwriter
26 March 2008 @ 11:56 am
Clawing my way out of hell  
I just read a Yahoo!Hotjobs article, and promptly burst into tears.

Written by a woman named Dr. Debra Davenport, the article was entitled "How To Decide If You Need A Career Change." What struck me most was this particular section --

You know you’re in the wrong career if:

  • It is strictly a means to put food on the table.

  • It’s just some job you took 10 years ago because, at the time, it was the only one you could find.

  • Your parents are proud, but you’re bored to tears.

  • Your job makes you unhappy, damages your self-esteem, compromises your values, or undermines your integrity.

  • You live for the weekend.



  • Each item on that list applied to me.

    I actually don't have that job anymore because the workers from my office building were all laid off before the holidays. As you can imagine, my colleagues and I were devastated (not to mention, furious, given the amount of time and effort we'd all put in to that place). We'd been miserable, overworked and unappreciated. "Cost-cutting" measure or not, the layoff was the final slap in the face.

    While I shared my coworkers' frustrations and fears, to me the layoff was also the universe's way of saying, "Sherry, this is your chance. Get the hell out of that wretched place and start fresh. Have a job that means something to you!"

    But reading that article shoved me into the proverbial deer-in-headlights position. I weep for all the time I've wasted, giving all my hard work and dedication and loyalty to a job that sucked the life out of me when I could have spent all that time learning and growing and improving my skills doing something I loved. I weep because I'm so angry with myself for staying too long and not pulling my head out of my ass. I weep because I'm scared and I'm running out of time and money. I weep because that sense of urgency invokes terror... of making a hurried choice in an effort to survive and make ends meet, potentially resulting in yet another job that pulls me back to that article's horrid list.

    The problem with articles like that one is how the information provided within is so generalized. What I need is a solid action plan. I need to point myself in the right direction and start taking actual, positive, strong steps to get there.

    I don't mind taking a pay cut and working hard if it means finally doing what makes me happy. I'm ready to take that on. I want to make smart, sound choices this time. Take positive steps forward in a new direction, the right direction. I just don't know how yet.

    I'm so f---ing exhausted.
     
     
    Current Location: In limbo
    Current Mood: anxious
    Current Music: You know I'm stressed when I don't even have music playing...
     
     
    sinkwriter
    16 March 2008 @ 06:05 pm
    Reading is Delightful and Delicious  
    Today is Bardsmaid's birthday!

    The greatest gift you could give her is to read one of her stories, and send her some feedback. Talented authors need and deserve plentiful commentary, and she's one of the BEST, so... I highly, highly recommend you visit her site and pick at least one story to read, from the X-Files section here or the general 'Short Stories and Commentary' section here. Then by all means, please send her a lovely message.

    Even if you're not familiar with The X-Files realm, it doesn't matter. Her writings are rich with character complexity and fascinating detail. They should be read.

    If I may suggest pieces to whet your appetite, these are two of my favorites:

    Overhead, The Stars ~ Two captivating characters: Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek. The weight of the world on each man's shoulders. A quiet yet surprising night in which the two rivals come to a momentary, unexpected truce in an intriguing (and humorous) way. As Bardsmaid herself notes, it involves "two very tired men, a language lesson, [and] a houseplant."
    My added comment: Come on, you've got to be curious after reading that wacky description. *GRIN*

    One of many great lines throughout, this one said in a snarky way: "Get a dictionary, Mulder."

    (Heh.)


    Outpost ~ A fascinating snapshot of characters Dana Scully and Alex Krycek (and yes, mentions of Fox Mulder) during a moment's respite from fighting the alien occupation. This story captures the flavor of a dusty Star Wars-like "cantina" in a modern world slowly coming apart, with a poetic, contemplative quality that is pure Bardsmaid.

    One of my favorite lines: "Her cheeks are flushed, her expression warm and relaxed; it lights the shadowed corner of the room like a quiet fire spied through a frosty window."

    Lovely.


    I truly hope you decide to check out her work and discover for yourself how terrific it is.


    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Bardsmaid!

    Have a fantastic day, dear friend. (And please forgive my boldness -- I mean it as the sincerest tribute to your talent!)

    Hugs,
    S
     
     
    Current Location: At my desk
    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: Lamenta by Mark Snow
     
     
    sinkwriter
    10 March 2008 @ 11:32 pm
    "Hallelujah"  
    “It goes like this:
    The fourth, the fifth,
    The minor fall and the major lift…”



    Today I was browsing the posts on my friends list, and came across this fascinating article as posted by [info]emily_shore, found here. It was about the Leonard Cohen-composed song, “Hallelujah,” and all the incarnations of it as recorded by other artists.

    I had no idea there were so many versions! I knew Leonard Cohen had written it, but the predominant take I'd heard was Jeff Buckley’s, as played in the background of a poignant scene during “Posse Comitatus” (final episode of season three, “The West Wing”). I happen to love that cover. The gentle, plaintive guitar … his beautifully mournful voice … how he takes his time with every single line. It’s lovely. And it fits the scene perfectly. Unoriginal choice, perhaps, and apparently overplayed, as the article points out -- though thankfully I hadn’t heard it before I saw that episode of West Wing -- but to me that doesn’t matter because it works.

    Anyway, reading that article got me to thinking about all the different covers of the song, and one I heard recently that I’d forgotten about. I can’t believe I did, actually, because it’s so gorgeous. Singer k.d. lang performed it about a month ago on “Good Morning, America,” as part of a promotion for her latest album.

    I admit, I don’t usually listen to her music very often. I love certain songs on “Ingénue” and “Drag,” but for the most part I need to be in a very laid-back mood to listen to her stuff. It’s either too slow or too country for me. No judgment; it’s just not usually my style.

    However, I do think her talent is unquestionable. It’s rare that a singer holds me spellbound, but she’s one of them. And when I saw her perform “Hallelujah” on “Good Morning, America,” I didn’t move until she was done and the segment was over. I savored every note. Her take on the song may not have been unusual, but her singing was flawless. Passionate. Like decadent chocolate -- rich and silky smooth. I loved it.

    And as a vocalist myself, I respect her immensely. She’s an amazing singer.

    I can’t seem to find her performance from GMA, but I did find a live rendition from “the Max Sessions” at the Sydney Opera House. If you want to hear a beautifully heartfelt version of this song, check it out on YouTube at this link: k.d. lang singing “Hallelujah” (Sydney Opera House, 2005). It deserves to be seen and heard.

    I hope you enjoy. :)
     
     
    Current Location: At my desk
    Current Mood: musical
    Current Music: Hallelujah by k.d. lang (Recorded live at the Max Sessions, Sydney Opera House)
     
     
    sinkwriter
    08 March 2008 @ 06:39 pm
    No Show Without Poh  
    The brassy jangle of the bell overhead was the first sound I’d hear as I opened the door and stepped up from the cement stoop, over the threshold, into the store. It was such a happy sound to me. A welcoming ting to all who entered, signaling immediately that this was a place of melody and music.

    It was the spot I went to for all my sheet music and P/V/G books, for pop and Broadway and jazz, opera and rock, vocal music, piano and violin. Endless sheets and booklets of staff paper waiting to be scribbled with transpositions, harmonic arrangements, and original works. Music-themed note cards, pencils, and pens. Coffee mugs, stickers and magnets. You name it, I bought it at Don Poh’s.

    From the moment of entry, there was a distinct energy in the air. Electric and inspirational. Joyous. Fun!

    Not even two feet from the doorway and already I’d pause, taking in the sight of the main room filled with grand pianos and uprights, my hands itching for the ability to sit at one and play a yearning Chopin sonata or a lively Mozart concerto. If only I had that virtuosity…

    Sometimes he’d be there, standing around, sipping from a coffee cup and shooting the breeze with a potential patron or fellow musician. Or behind the counter around the corner, sitting at an ancient desk, chatting with his wife as she poured over the paperwork. But my favorite was when I’d come in and find him sitting at one of the grand pianos, working his magic, luring me and every other customer in, as if we too could play that beautifully, if only we’d sit down on a bench and give it a try. Come on, it’s fun. You can do it. You just need to practice and play.

    The man was amazing. First of all, he provided a hall for people to perform in and hold small concerts -- in a room located off to the right, I can still picture its warm light and golden hardwood floors, and hear its great echo. He had a beautiful display of pianos. And not only was he an accomplished, talented musician, but he also could remember almost every single name of every customer who’d ever bought a piano from him, including the exact make and model they’d chosen. There wasn’t a day that I stopped in to the store where he wouldn’t be able to name my parents and which Baldwin upright piano they’d bought. Even five years later, he’d still ask about it, if we all were enjoying it, and if I were there to pick out some new and challenging piece to play.

    I would usually make a beeline for the glass case straight ahead, for it held all the wonderful little music-themed trinkets and jewelry, each made of silver, gold or brass, all shiny and alluring. Magical. After giving those items their proper due, I’d then switch my gaze to the more attainable objects in the cabinet -- the coffee mugs etched with eighth notes and treble clefs and thick lines of staff, or the petite boxes of pretty note cards with designs of violins, rainbows and roses.

    I’d stand there far too long, practically pressing my nose up to the glass, until Don’s wife Judy would stroll over and ask if there was anything I specifically wanted to see. Despite how that may sound, she never made me feel like an imposition or a pesky kid. She was always so happy to see me, so gracious to help me with whatever I needed.

    Sometimes I came just to pour over the shelves of sheet music and boxes of songbooks in the left hand corner of the shop, and she would leave me to my quiet yet intent browsing. Other times I came prepared with a list of longing, all the songs I wanted, all the artists’ books I hoped would be available and in stock, and Judy would take my list and walk me over to the counter, where I would watch breathlessly as she looked up each and every title, to see if they had it. If they didn’t, she would take the time to pull out her numerous catalogs and search to see if the song even existed in print or was something they could special order for me. And if the store suddenly got busy with customers, she would let me stand at the counter and browse those catalogs myself, jotting down all the codes for the wonderful titles I dreamed of purchasing for my own personal music library. I could stay in that store for hours, browsing happily, wide-eyed and entranced. It was heaven.

    When I’d made my selections, I’d gleefully present them so Judy could ring them up, place the tell-tale Don Poh Music sticker on the back of each book or sheet, and slide them carefully into a fun, black-and-white, score-decorated paper bag. To top off my visit, she or Don would give me a wink and tuck in something extra, a violin-shaped eraser or a decorative pencil, a little gift to say thank you for stopping in here and being a loyal customer.

    Without question, there was no place like Don Poh’s. And no way I’d ever buy my music from anyone else. I always left there with a huge smile on my face, eager and excited. I couldn’t wait to go home and play.

    In 2004, Don (and his wonderful shop) retired. One of his former students -- and a piano technician, to boot -- took over for him, but the guy moved the shop to a different location. I’m so glad someone kept the business, but of course it’s not the same place. It can’t be. I’m certain it’s a lovely store and will become a sanctuary for scores of budding, enthusiastic music students, but it will never capture the magic I felt when visiting Don’s place. Whenever I go home to Green Bay to visit my parents, I can’t help but think of what’s missing on East Mason Street. It’s just not the same.

    And now I know it never will be.

    When my parents came to visit me recently, my dad pulled me aside and said, “I have a bit of sad news for you.” He held out a small newspaper clipping. An obituary. And my heart sank.

    My thoughts go to his family and friends. I know they must miss him terribly. Yet, looking upon the picture of Don’s characteristically exuberant, smiling face on the page, my mind immediately floods with joyful memories and treasured time spent. I realize, I am blessed to have known him. He was a good man, and a great man of music. He will be missed.

    Thank you for everything, sir. It’s been an enormous pleasure.
     
     
    Current Location: At my desk
    Current Mood: musical
    Current Music: Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin
     
     
    sinkwriter
    01 January 2008 @ 01:42 am
    Strength over time  
    The snow was still falling, light and gentle. The kind you could catch on your tongue and taste for a brief second before it melted away. Cold outside but not frigid, so long as you were bundled up properly: sturdy boots, warm coat, gloves, scarf, and hat.

    We took to the hill in Grandma's backyard first. Small, easy, just enough of a dip.

    My uncle grabbed a bright blue plastic sled, grasping it tight on each side with his large hands, and he ran and jumped, landing on his stomach -- whoosh and away! I watched in mild amusement as he zipped over and down the hill. My dad followed, whooping it up as he took his turn. My aunts weren't far behind. Grown siblings returning to child's play, challenging each other: Who could go the fastest? Who could go the farthest?

    Take a sleigh ride with me... )
     
     
    Current Location: At my desk, in my bedroom
    Current Mood: hopeful
    Current Music: Unusual Way by Barbra Streisand
     
     
    sinkwriter
    16 December 2007 @ 04:39 am
    Frosted windowpanes  
    It's that time of year...

    Everyone's in a hurry; there's so much to accomplish in time for the holidays, no matter what you celebrate. Presents to purchase, decorations to hang, parties to organize, traveling to do. It's a whirlwind of frenzied activity.

    In direct contrast to that harried atmosphere, I stand watching, even marveling, as tiny graceful snowflakes float and fall outside my window tonight. Then I am reminded... it's also a time when I find myself feeling romantic and nostalgic.

    More thoughts within... )

     
     
    Current Location: Living room
    Current Mood: nostalgic
    Current Music: Little Altar Boy by Karen Carpenter
     
     
    sinkwriter
    06 December 2007 @ 09:11 pm
    Let your hair down and DANCE!  
    I was feeling a little down today. Depressed. Bummed out. Weepy and discouraged.

    Yep.

    I don't know if it was the grey skies, below-zero temperatures, or the fact that I recently got laid off from my job (me and many other poor souls). Or maybe it was the realization today, after balancing my checkbook and assessing my finances, that because of the job situation money's tight and I can't give all that I want, to my family, friends, or to the charities I like, for the holidays this year.

    It's probably all of the above. All I know is... today I was feelin' it.

    I tried to keep busy, get some tasks done, focus my mind. But this evening as I settled in for the night, I found myself returning to that state of melancholy. Didn't feel like chatting with anyone, didn't feel like writing, didn't feel like doing much of anything.

    Didn't much like that feeling.

    So, I clicked into iTunes and browsed my Library. Picked a really bouncy, jamming-guitar, toe-tappin' tune from the "way back" days of junior high and light-hearted fun with my bestest girlfriends...

    The Go-Go's, "I'm the Only One."

    (What? Don't judge. What fun song would you pick from your junior high days? Seriously, tell me -- I want to know! *GRIN*)

    Cranked it UP.

    Let my tresses out of their hair clip prison...

    ... and started dancing all around my apartment, like a maniac. (No, I didn't play that song, although it would be fun! Hee.)

    I'll be honest. I'm not a great dancer. I don't think I'm any good at all. I'm certainly not trained, and I have no real style. But I just let go and danced as vivaciously and insanely as I possibly could. Hair flying, arms waving, head bobbing, body spinning and curving about. Uninhibited. Until I was out of breath and laughing at myself.

    Nothing's resolved, of course. I still have no job right now. I still have to find a new one (and that may involve a career shift). And I worry that I won't find one before the savings run out. That's pretty damn frightening sometimes.

    Nevertheless... in the midst of the song, and after flailing all around my apartment like a wild woman, I feel much better.

    Do me a favor and pick a song. Just one kick-ass favorite song. Turn it up LOUD. (Don't torture your neighbors, though. That would be rude.)

    Don't let anyone dissuade you. Don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. Don't pay them any mind.

    Then, however you are able -- start DANCING!
     
     
    Current Location: My apartment
    Current Mood: nostalgic
    Current Music: Talk Show* album by The Go-Go's
     
     
    sinkwriter
    30 October 2007 @ 11:14 pm
    Savor life, be joyful, and wear sturdy walking shoes.  
    Life's funny...

    It's taken me months (maybe probably longer) to make the decision to sign up for this LiveJournal. It took me almost a full day of tinkering to browse the basic system and set up (generally) how I want it (for now). And almost three full days later, I still haven't posted an actual entry.

    I realize now, I've been struggling:

    To get up the courage to write something, anything.

    To express whatever I'm thinking or feeling, post it and have those words laid out as part of a semi-permanent page out there in the online universe, knowing I can't take it back. (Well, unless the 'edit' feature is available for old posts, heh.)

    To stop second-guessing myself, out of fear that what I wrote sounds stupid or lame, or that it's not worded quite right. That no one will understand what the hell I'm talking about.

    To stop tinkering and rewriting every line, in some ridiculous attempt to make everything 'perfect.'

    To acknowledge there's no such thing.

    To realize that every minute spent waiting for it all to fall into place or feel 'just right' is one more moment not spent living life fully.

    *******

    Enough.

    Enough wandering about and wishing for a life, as if it will happen upon me someday and adopt me into it, instead of me actively seeking it out and pulling to me what makes me joyful and what makes me savor life. Marveling at the rugged yet challenging path and the multitude of choices before me. Relishing the journey itself.

    Passage: the act or process of moving forward.

    That's what I want. Positive, forward motion. Moving, acting, being, doing. Having fun exploring and learning.

    I'm not going to apologize for occasionally getting all philosophical and cheesy. I've spent my life taking baby steps, too terrified of breaking the rules or losing people's approval to actually make up my own mind and take charge of my own life in a bigger, more fantastic way.

    "I am not gonna sit on my ass
    as the events that affect me
    unfold to determine the course of my life."

    ~ Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller's Day Off


    I know I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and cringe, already itching to take everything back, erase this message, start again. Be cooler, more witty, whatever.

    Ah, f*** it. It's time to take some gigantic wonderful kick-ass leaps.

    As I sit here at my computer, I take a deep breath... and click 'Okay.'

    ...
    ...
    ...

    All right, all right. I know I actually click 'Post to sinkwriter,' but I was speaking metaphorically, okay? *GRIN*

    Here I go.
     
     
    Current Location: At my desk
    Current Mood: optimistic
    Current Music: None at the moment -- I needed to concentrate!