Merlin - Sleepy Studying

I need a nap!

I don't know what's going on with me. I am sooooo tired!

This past week my sleep has been strange. I've had highly vivid dreams, including one that startled me so much that I actually woke myself up calling out (in the dream and in actual life). After that I wanted to whimper and curl up in a ball, I felt so disturbed and unsettled. I'm really not sure why I dreamed something that upset me like that.

Then this morning I woke up extra early and couldn't get back to sleep. I knew I'd only had about four and a half hours of solid sleep, I knew I wanted to sleep more, but my mind couldn't shut up. So I laid there for an hour-ish, thinking, and then got up to read.

Now it's only 8pm and the lack of sleep has caught up with me. I'm so tired, I almost fell asleep in my arm chair. I am so TIRED.

But I'm afraid to go to bed this early. One, because it's only freaking 8pm, and two, because I have occasional insomnia so I try not to go to bed at weird times (weird for me) so that I don't throw off my whole sleep schedule. I don't want to go to bed now, and wake up wide awake at 3am.

What is up with me?

  • Current Location: Falling asleep sitting up
  • Current Mood: exhausted exhausted
  • Current Music: The theme song to Elementary (starring Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu), composed by Sean Callery
Belle reading by the fountain

Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie, and we'll provide the rest...

I have to wait an entire year for this?



It looks gorgeous.

Will they be singing, though? Is it a movie or a movie-musical? She's already got the bookishness down pat, no question -- hi, Hermione! -- but can Emma Watson sing?

If she's going to be Belle, she better bring it. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite of the newer Disney animated films, my very favorite. I can still remember seeing it in the theatre with my best bud Todd. With the new technologies available, the images felt more real than the older Disney flicks, from the shimmering petals falling off the rose to the ever-building show of "Be Our Guest" to the way Belle's ball gown swirled and then swung back into place just like a real dress would, as she danced with Beast. It was so easy to get swept up in the story and the vibrant images and the beautiful music. Everything felt so funny and lovely and magical.

And Belle wasn't just some flighty princess. To me, she felt different from the usual female characters. A girl who loves to read and sing, whose dream room is a library filled with marvelous books, who daydreams of an interesting, exciting life? Of course it's my favorite.

So I want this film to be everything awesome, and I want to see it now, please.



Belle reading at the fountain

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere
I want it more than I can tell
And for once it might be grand
To have someone understand
I want so much more than they've got planned..."


  • Current Location: In my imagination
  • Current Mood: excited excited
  • Current Music: Belle (Reprise) from Disney's Beauty & The Beast (as sung by Paige O'Hara)
Merlin - Sleepy Studying

Sleep is Good and Necessary

You know those people who say they don't need much sleep? The ones who say they only need four or five hours of sleep and they're ready to take on the day?

Screw that.

I mean, good for them if that's really true. Maybe that's their superpower, not needing much sleep.

But I need it. I NEED IT. NEEEEEED.

And when I don't get it? I'm slow and groggy and crabby and short-tempered. Even if I don't express any of it, it's bubbling within me and it's only a matter of time before I snap, especially if you keep pushing me.

I need sleep.

Sleep is very good to me. When I get a good night's sleep, anything feels possible.

So you understand me when I say that I did not get enough sleep last night and today I feel like a slug. My brain is sluggish. And nothing I've done has kicked it into gear - not a healthy smoothie including spinach and banana, not a brownie (trying for a hit of sugar there), not a bottle of water, not slow deep breaths of wonderful oxygen, not getting up from my desk and walking around my apartment for a few minutes. None of that did shit.

That's because my body knows none of that is what I really need.

I really need some damn sleep.

How much sleep do you usually need, my friends?

  • Current Location: At my desk
  • Current Mood: tired tired
  • Current Music: The hum of my fan
Merlin - Sleepy Studying

Why can't I RELAX??!?

I had a super busy month, finally got caught up on all my web design work, yet for some stupid reason I can't give myself permission to relax and simply enjoy the weekend in whatever way I want?

WTF is wrong with me??

I even worked on a website yesterday afternoon, even though it could have waited until Monday. And today, my brain keeps saying, "You should really sort through and re-organize the folders on your desktop. You should really go through that giant box of photographs from decades ago and finally decide which ones to keep, which ones to display, which ones to toss because they're blurry and pointless, etc., so you can get that box out of your living room. You should really clean up that pile of papers on your desk. You should really clean your apartment. You should really get some exercise, maybe go for a walk (even though you have a blister on your heel from the last long walk you took and right now it seriously hurts to put on your shoes). You should really..."

ARGHHHHHHHHH!

Why can't I allow myself one weekend, or hell, just one DAY to do whatever I feel like, even if it's not Super Responsible Adult or Super Productive? Why can't I just take the afternoon to read a book? Or watch a movie marathon? Or go sit in a coffee shop and drink cocoa and people-watch? Or any number of things that have no real point to them but are just... fun?

When did I stop knowing how to do stuff for the sake of FUN?

  • Current Location: At my desk
  • Current Mood: annoyed annoyed
  • Current Music: Midnight Radio from Hedwig and the Angry Inch (as sung by Darren Criss)
Snoopy - Writing

Ch-ch-ch-changes

You know how there's such a VAST amount of fanfiction out there? Some good, some bad, some really really ugly?

And how some are just complete and shiny jewels that speak to you above all else, and you feel like, "Ah, at last I've found you"? And you make sure to bookmark this new favorite author because you love their style and what they have to say about the characters and because you don't want to miss a single new story?

There's just something sad about what happens when a show ends. Everyone's writings and commentaries for the show start to peter out, and then (sometimes) it stops completely.

But what's really sad is when your favorite authors move on to new fandoms... but it's not a fandom you're into so you don't get to read their awesome writings anymore, unless they start up in a fandom you also connect with.

A writer (whose work I enjoyed) just switched to a new fandom that I don't watch. Bummer!

That is all.

:)
  • Current Location: At my desk
  • Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
  • Current Music: Changes by David Bowie
2006 Fish Creek walking path

Happy Birthday, lostakasha!




Happy Happy Birthday to a wonderful, talented writer and hilariously awesome, brilliant friend!

AF, I hope you have a fantastic day.  ♥ ♥ ♥

I miss our epic email chats. We really need to resume some of that chatter. Maybe we can come up with a more time-manageable way to do it.  *GRIN*

P.S. Seven years ago, almost to the day, I wrote you a tiny bit of fanfic in honor of your birthday. (Wow! Seven years ago. Has it really been that long?) In re-reading that, I was almost inspired to write you something for this year's birthday, but it's been so long since we've chatted about fandom stuff, I have no idea what (if any) your newest interests are! We must remedy that. Besides, I would love to return to creative writing and the pure enjoyment of it. How about you, talented one?  *hugs*
  • Current Location: At my desk
  • Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
  • Current Music: Birthday by The Beatles